“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”— 1 John 3:16
“Little words can be big things.”
These were the words that came so eloquently from the mouth of a nine-year-old. It came so smoothly on the heels of a conversation he was having with his dad about how much they had to be thankful for. After being asked to explain his statement, he said, “You know… house. It’s a little word, but it’s something big.”
He was more right than he knew.
There is another little word that is a big thing: love. One dictionary defines it as a verb like this: to have a great affection for; to be enamored with. Simple enough. But that definition barely scratches the surface, and most people know it. For some, when they hear the word love, they only know it as a feeling, something that comes and goes with circumstances. Others hear it and respond with cynicism, because their experience with those words has been far more bitter than sweet.
And then there are those who get it. There are those who actually know in whom and from whom love really comes.
The World’s Version vs. the Real Thing
The world is saturated with ideologies, pictures, and concepts of love, and they look little to nothing like what real love actually is. The music and movie industry has tried its hand at generating a feeling or sensation of love through their messages, but without great success. It seems like all the gurus and experts have been unable to effectively communicate what love is.
And that makes sense. Because you can’t truly define love outside the reality of an intimate relationship with the person of Jesus Christ.
For leaders, this matters more than we typically acknowledge. We talk about vision, strategy, culture, team health, accountability, execution… and all of those things are important. But underneath every one of them, the thing that either holds it together or lets it fall apart is love. Not the sentimental kind. Not the motivational poster kind. The kind that costs you something.
Love Isn’t About You
As followers of Jesus Christ, it would seem logical that we would believe, accept, and live by His definition of love. But too many times, especially in leadership, we think of love in terms of how it might benefit us. We love the people who perform well. We invest in the ones who make us look good. We extend grace to the ones who are easy to be around. And we call that leadership.
But in its truest form, if you really love, it’s not about you or for you. You are not at the center. In fact, the only way we can truly love is to know true love. Only when we receive His love can we give His love. The love that comes from within our own hearts, carried out through our own flesh, is at best self-serving. But the love that comes from the Father is one that always thinks of the other. Always.
John 15:13 explains this pretty well: Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
That’s really not how the world or our flesh would define love. Laying something down. Giving something up. Putting someone else’s wellbeing ahead of your own comfort, your own agenda, your own advancement. That’s the kind of love Jesus modeled, and it’s the kind of love that transforms the people and organizations leaders are responsible for.
The Love Meter
So where are you on the love meter?
That might sound like a soft question, but for leaders it’s one of the most revealing ones you can ask. How you love determines how you lead. And if you’re honest, the gap between how you want to love and how you actually love in the daily grind of leadership is probably wider than you’d like to admit.
Jesus set the bar high. He thinks about you because He loves you. He desires to meet your needs because He loves you. He desires and offers the highest quality relationship because He loves you. He loves you because it’s His heart to love you. Not because you earned it. Not because you performed well. Not because you made Him look good.
That’s the standard. And it’s the standard He calls leaders to carry into every interaction, every decision, and every relationship they steward.
Think about what that would look like in practice. What if you led your team the way Christ leads you, not based on their output but based on their value? What if you engaged the difficult person on your team with the same patience God has shown you? What if your leadership became less about building something impressive and more about laying something down for the people in front of you?
I can tell you from experience: that’s the kind of love that builds cultures people don’t want to leave. That’s the kind of love that develops leaders who actually last. And it starts with receiving it yourself, deeply and personally, before you try to give it away.
Little Words, Kingdom Impact
Here’s what strikes me about that nine-year-old’s observation. He didn’t say big words are big things. He said little words are big things. House. Love. Trust. Grace. Hope. Serve.
In leadership, we’re often drawn to the big words: vision, strategy, growth, impact, legacy. And those have their place. But the leaders who leave the deepest mark are usually the ones who mastered the little words. The ones who learned to say “I’m sorry” and mean it. The ones who said “I see you” to the person everyone else overlooked. The ones who whispered “I’m proud of you” at exactly the right moment. The ones who asked “How are you really doing?” and actually waited for the answer.
Those are little words. But they carry enormous weight. And they’re the words that make a leader a reliable messenger, someone who carries the heart of God into the room and not just the agenda.
Next Steps for the Leader Who Wants to Love Better
Read 1 Corinthians 13 with your leadership hat on. Not as a wedding passage. Not as a devotional exercise. Read it slowly and ask yourself: Is this how I lead? Patient. Kind. Not envious. Not boastful. Not self-seeking. Not easily angered. Keeps no record of wrongs. Where do you see yourself? And where do you see the gap?
Receive before you give. You cannot love your team well if you haven’t let God love you first. If you’ve been running on fumes, leading out of obligation or performance rather than overflow, stop and receive. Sit with the reality that God loves you not because of what you produce, but because of who you are to Him. Let that recalibrate your heart before your next interaction.
Identify your “love gap.” Pick one relationship in your leadership world that’s been defined more by frustration than by love. A team member. A board member. A volunteer. A colleague. Ask God to show you what it would look like to lead that person the way Christ leads you. Then take one step in that direction this week. Not a grand gesture. Just a little word that carries big weight.
Shift from building to laying down. Audit your motivations honestly. Where has your leadership become more about building your platform, your reputation, or your results than about serving the people in front of you? Love and self-interest can’t occupy the same seat. Where do you need to let one go so the other can lead?
Say the little words. This week, find three people in your sphere of influence and offer them a little word that carries kingdom weight. An encouragement. An affirmation. An honest “thank you.” A sincere “I believe in you.” You’d be amazed what those little words can do in the life of someone who’s been waiting to hear them.
Little words can be big things. And leaders who learn to carry them faithfully, who let love be the foundation under every strategy, every conversation, and every decision… those are the ones whose impact outlasts their tenure.
Ask the Lord to help you know love like this, so you can live love like this. And then go lead like it.